Customer Hostility

Some cool how to generate customers images:

Customer Hostility
how to generate customers
So I’ve been trying for a month to get my licenses for Symantec Veritas NetBackup (that I already paid tens of thousands of euros for!). Lucky for me, Symantec invented this Licensing Portal! Yeah!

So, first, you try to register. Turns out: you can’t! Neat! Then, when you try to register after they enable your registration, you have to work around their buggy web app — they even provide instructions. First you select US as your country (no matter where you live), then submit the form. You’ll see errors, according to the instructions.

After you get the errors, you are to go back, fill out the form AGAIN, but this time, use your REAL country, but by God you had better not fill in the "State" field or it won’t work. This is in the instructions, too!

Finally, you enter some weird serial number and customer number that should be on your Certificate. This should suck all of your license entitlements out of some database and then you can click *each one* and generate a license key.

Oh, but one hitch!

One of your important license files might be missing from the magical database. When you enter the serial number from your receipt, it just never shows your license options and gives you errors. Cool!

So then you open a support case w/ critical severity because, well, your team was supposed to install, like, 2 weeks ago and you’ve already missed your dates. Plus, it’s, like, backup software and is supposed to be, like, critical.

8 days later, you still have no update. Neato!

But after 8 days, you decide that maybe you did something wrong and you download the manual. Whoa! Look there! The manual is so frickin’ obtuse that it has to contain a "process flow" diagram for how one logs into the system.

Note to managers, developers, and any other anus that had anything to do with this: your customers hate it and it sucks. Rethink and retool, please.

Crawdad Network – First Chapter of Deming’s Out of the Crisis
how to generate customers
Crawdad Network – First Chapter of Deming’s Out of the Crisis
A CRA Network generated by Crawdad Text Analysis System 2.0. W. Edwards Deming was one of the key gurus of the quality movement in the 80s and 90s. Note the top triangle of "quality", "cost", and "productivity"… how "management" is linked to "good quality" not directly but through "production"… and the greater importance of "improvement" versus "control".

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