A few nice internet marketing in business images I found:
Flying Saucer Eddie
As I understand it, Eddie is an alien who was abducted by humans.
Since 1970, he has been subjected intermittently to some kind of horrible invasive experiment, living in Lincolnshire and periodically finding a mate in the classifieds.
Basically what keeps him prisoner is somehow controlled by his kitchen tap.
At the moment of its operation he is enveloped by a mesmerising white light, like in a toothpaste advert. Without any volition on his part, fluoride is sucked in by his feeding valve. He is instantly obedient and robot-like. He becomes part of some beastly telepathic communion.
This is proved when he is later found sitting for long periods of time in the library, receiving messages from the Internet concerning visitors from Venus, which he tells me the US military obviously know about: they just can’t think of a way to sell us the information.
They ought to get Max Clifford in. Aliens just don’t realise how famous they would be if only they would come clean with us about their furniture, marriages and raw meat preferences.
The problem for me is, Eddie is the only lifeform who regularly attends meetings of Lincoln City Council and its committees, apart from the "people" who are on them.
The public – exhibiting great interest in democratic freedom – stays away. The Council has taken to describing itself using a strange language humans cannot understand, things like "The Policy and Resources Overview and Scrutiny Committee". They want to control us in secret, that’s the thing.
For this reason I go to these meetings occasionally, and Eddie is usually there, for reasons HE CANNOT EXPLAIN – taking copious notes on planning decisions and similar bumpf. He will often conspicuously hand me the latest news on alien lifeforms that have been spotted in East Tennessee, or pamphlets on other unusual topics.
It seems clear to me that Eddie and the alien members of the City Council are working sucker-in-glove to represent any genuine concerns the public might have as an unwarranted interference in the Council’s business.
Their (rare) challenges to the alien lifeforms’ takeover plans are being neutralised.
It works this way:
It may be that there are still some human members of the Council, or it could happen that human journalists, or other human members of the public might be present at the Council’s meeting.
You might think this would be dangerous for the aliens. But no, it is the humans who actually deceive themselves.
Why? It would immediately be apparent to them that the anti-fluoride campaigner, or person complaining about the hours at the fluoridated swimming pool or whatever, would be up there in the public gallery like Eddie The Well-Known Flying Saucer Man.
To their simpleminded mammalian way of thinking beings who are identical in one respect are identical in every other way too – the rebellious human is just A PERSON LIKE EDDIE – and therefore easily discredited as some kind of wacko.
In this way the humans’ own skepticism and belief in Earth’s primitive technological "progress" is used against them. It is exactly the kind of cunning double bluff you would expect from an iguana from Neptune, or Martian fishy-flippered reptile robot thing.
And so, to take a recent example, the Councillors and their leathery officers could easily ignore a 10,000-signature petition and pretend to give the Co-op "planning permission".
Thus doing away with Lincoln’s outdoor market with a flick of their powerful tails.
They have no need of the humans’ vegetables, being entirely carnivorous.
The Co-op, which has the help of the strange android known as the City Solicitor, is obviously the mother ship.
Howzabout that for a conspiracy theory? No, not a theory, because I found a huge lizard skin in the library once near to where Eddie had been sitting. Are they adjusting Lincoln’s water to conditions on their planet? I hear the government wants to expand fluoridation outwards towards the south and north-west of England, maybe even Scotland too.
Hang on. There’s one other explanation about Eddie which really does make sense.
Flying saucers? Council meetings? Looking starved to the point of physical collapse and blissfully happy at the same time? Drinking at the Holiday Inn?
All becomes er, "clear". Eddie is none other than the Scientomogists’ man in Lincoln.
You know, the people who control your children through the subliminally-challenged Neopets
Let’s hope they are able to turn a profit from the information he collects.